We All Got Our Vices

If any of you know me personally, you probably know that I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs. And all though drinking and smoking cigarettes in moderation have been socially accepted, it is still considered a vice in many circles. Everyone indulges in a few bad habits. In someway or another (I wouldn't know, I don't drink or smoke), they feel better for doing it, either experiencing it mentally or physically. They have declared the costs have outweighed the benefits, most likely not taking any or that much moral consideration into account. I'm not knocking anyone who indulges in a vice here and there. I'm here to talk about my vice: I steal.

I went to an open mic comedy night last night and a comedian joked, "I was thinking about buying a gun. I mean, I wouldn't buy any bullets, I'm not trying to kill anyone. It's an investment. Do you know how much a gun costs? You could probably hold a couple people up and then go home and feel good about yourself with all the stuff you took." I was laughing a lil' bit extra because that's how I feel. I do feel good about myself when I take something that would make my life a whole lot better than if I didn't have the objects that I take in my possession. It is not until later that I feel the pulse of a conscience about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm far from a kleptomaniac. I usually only take things during parties or events. It's usually items that aren't that serious. I take 2-liter bottles of soda as I'm leaving a party. I swipe more than my share of water bottles before I go. It's stuff I can use later that I'm sure none of the hosts will miss or notice is missing. I don't take purses or money, not usually at least.

I don't know why I do it. I guess if I can give a simple analogy, I feel like I'm entitled to the stuff I take. You ever hear of celebrities being given $2,000 gift bags for just attending an awards show? Or when an artist is booked for a show, they demand certain items. I think Usher needs a specific color of M&M's in his trailer. Or they say they need a bottle of Petron in their trailer, which they don't drink but give to relatives as Christmas presents. I'm not a celebrity, but in that same manner, I feel entitled as sh*t. I got up, took a shower, dressed up nicely for the event, and didn't partake in any of the drugs or alcohol. I am going to take something in order to compensate me for my presence at this event. It's only fair. You can call that rationalization if you want.

Just recently, I heard Dane Cook has the same thing I got. He doesn't drink, smoke, or do drugs, but he steals. It make me think that everyone needs an outlet. Everyone needs that bad habit and spontaneity to make them feel like they're living. And I think it's strange that my vice could be considered more atrocious than a night of college partying, even though I commit my vice at college parties. But I don't disrespect the temple. In fact, I could argue that the stuff I take extends my life by a couple more years. I wouldn't have water if I didn't take. If I paid for it, I wouldn't have money for other things, like food. I'm not incredibly rich, but I'd be lying if I said my vice was a survival mechanism. I don't have to take the things I take. But like any vice, if I didn't do it, my life wouldn't be "easier."