The Last Firsts

For the past week, there has been a lot of "last first" moments: last first day of school, last second day of school, last first football game of the year, etc. I haven't had the time to really process these feelings. I could say that I have been enjoying every minute of it. Every night has been devoted to going out. We hardly ever rest, except out of necessity. Even when necessity dictates that we have a rest day after a long string of "partying," we manage to squeeze time at Thalassas, the local pool bar, before it's time to hit the hay. I'm not particularly fond of the word "partying," because it implies proving to everyone else how cool we are, which isn't my steez. As of late though, my nightlife has been very real. And the daylife, it seems, is very real too. I'm talking about waking up in the mid-morning and taking the first best suggestion to go out and do something, anything rather than sit at home and watch TV. It's about being proactive or at least feeling proactive, never being bored, never getting tired. I felt like this is always how I lived my life, but it hasn't always been the case. From time to time, there has been an excuse or two to stay in. However, senior year changes things.

Senior year is the actual beginning of the end. Freshmen year, you try to live it up and you do your best. Sophomore year is fun. You have a better handle of what you're doing, you push it harder. Junior year feels like complacency. You've been there and done that and you can afford to stay in a night or two. Senior year is the slap in the face telling you, "Big mistake!" You're about to be forced out of a relative paradise and your days are numbered.

That's how I feel. My days are numbered. I have never thought of myself as old but graduations feels like the benchmark. Being out there in the real world means that I'm old. It's not going to happen like this in a long time where or ever, where you can spontaneously go out with friends on a whim without having to extensively schedule months in advance for a cup of coffee. Maybe my feelings will change. I have seen myself retire out of the partying scene only to come back once again. But right now, I have no choice but to create memories. It is almost like my existence is being erased as I am pushed into the world of 9-5s.

This time, there is no excuse. There can be no complacency. There will be no "me time" when I sit at home without the company of friends. There is always "me time." It is those moments when you're not around anyone and you only have you and your thoughts. You have "me time" riding an elevator, walking to class, driving and doing errands, and all those other times when no one is listening to you but yourself. But right now (if you're a senior), you cannot let "me time" get in the way of all those possible moments when there happen to be an abundance of people actually willing to listen to what you have to say. Leave your "me time" for when you are old, senile, sad, and alone.

Here's to good times ahead.