The Power is in the People

I don't have any regrets going here. I realize that life is about constant change that we all learn from eventually. Cliche: I wouldn't change a thing. But sometimes, there are things that I wish didn't change. Before I left home, I had people. I knew people. I was two degrees away from the people I wanted to know or had to know. I had a real-life facebook going on at home. I remember desperately not wanting to leave, but also wanting a change of scenery. At the time, it seemed I could afford this type of break because I had a reputation. I'm not saying that for ego but I've always been aware of my reputation because I'm the one who created it. I felt like my name would still be tossed around if I was gone (and it was) but I knew it wouldn't be the same as it used to be (and it wasn't). After spending four years away, it becomes increasingly apparent to me that I've lost a lot of people.

It is the connections, that real human connection, that I miss the most. And I've become cognizant of this fact as my senior year dwindles down to its final days. These past four years have not been wasted. I've managed to know enough people to say that I had a fulfilling college life. I don't know if I have a reputation. You can't place a kid in a school where all the students were at the top of their class and worry about a reputation. No one's really got a reputation when everyone has their minds on themselves. But after graduation, I have to come back home and deal with the fact that I have no people. I have friends I call every now and then but it won't be of the magnitude it was when I was in high school. I also have to deal with the fact that the industry I will be working in is dependent on the people you got. I've been running around like a chicken with his head cut off trying to find people. I'm iming people, posting on facebook walls, approaching strangers, all in an effort to reach as many people here in an environment where it is supposed easy considering there's 30,000 people that go here.

But I'm really just trying to reconcile the fact that once I go back home, I'm powerless.